As of last year, there are 53.5 million millennials in the workforce, followed by 52.7 million Gen Xers, 44.6 million baby boomers and 3.7 million from the Silent Generation. This means millennials make up one-third of the workforce, and that number is growing.

According to Deloitte’s 2016 Millennial Survey, 44 percent of millennials would like to leave their current employers in the next two years due to “a perceived lack of leadership-skill development and feelings for being overlooked.” That’s over 23 million people wanting to leave their current organization in the next two years.

Faced with this reality, many managers are not equipped with crucial coaching skills, and the pressure to develop this group can be overwhelming, especially when it comes to essential “softer skills” such as building self-awareness, showing up on brand, contributing appropriately and accepting constructive feedback with grace. As companies look to managers to identify, shape and engage next gen leaders, managers need to be empowered with the knowledge, practice and coaching frameworks to be successful.

To illustrate this manager-millennial relationship and how a coaching framework can help both parties succeed, we would like to share our unique perspective (as manager and millennial) through a real-life dialogue.

MANAGER: “These kids don’t want to pay their dues.” “They’re practically asking for a raise every week!” “Where is their discretionary effort?” As a leadership trainer, I hear some flavor of these statements all the time. But what do millennials need from us, their managers?

Millennials need to know what skills they need to demonstrate, such as being aware of how they’re showing up in the workplace, considering their audience when giving a project status update, and forming a personal brand that is aligned with the organization. It’s our job as managers to help them develop these competencies.

I am very fortunate to have a millennial on my team who is a lifelong learner and wants to grow into her role, and is willing to put in the sweat equity to do so. She has high expectations of herself and others, and wants the career mobility that her generation expects. She’s willing to wait, though, and do the work, and working in a small company she has needed to do just that.

MILLENNIAL: On my end, I feel fortunate to be in a position where I am being provided the most in-demand request from the millennial population: regular feedback. Harvard Business Review found that the average population is comfortable with receiving feedback on a quarterly basis from their manager, while millennials would prefer it to be at least once a month if not more. And I am a self-proclaimed “lucky one” who receives consistent coaching and mentoring.

MANAGER: I’m glad to hear you say that, and from what I’ve heard, I don’t think we’re the norm. A few months ago I was speaking with a senior leader in a global pharma company. As head of organizational development for the entire company, her biggest challenge is that millennials want to be coached and mentored, but managers don’t take the time to coach them, or don’t even know how.

A recent survey shows that 71 percent of millennials who are likely to leave their organizations in the next two years are currently unhappy with how their leadership skills are being developed. How can we “coach the coach?” It’s not an intuitive skill. It is very different from the triage we managers need to do in order to get the job done through other people. We get paid to strategize, break big tasks into manageable steps and then delegate. Where do we even begin?

MILLENNIAL: Well, what I think makes our relationship most successful is the ability to understand each other’s values. And that is a key element in job retention. In fact, 56 percent of the global millennial population have “ruled out ever working for a particular organization because of its values or standard of conduct.” Because you have made the consistent effort to connect with me on that level, it leaves me feeling understood and motivated to complete tasks that we would both be pleased with.

You also have a delicate and deliberate way of delivering feedback. Sometimes I don’t even realize it. I’ll be sitting at my desk working on something after a meeting, and it would hit me, “Oh! That was feedback!” – and I had already put it into action. The coaching structure that you have set up, comes from a place of valuing our relationship and leveraging my strengths so I can be more open to understanding my challenges.

MANAGER: Hearing that inspires me to point out “endorsement” as a powerful coaching tool. The stereotype of the millennial professional is that they have a wall full of participation trophies in their childhood bedroom. They’ve been coddled within an inch of their lives and this is the real world, darn it, we don’t walk around telling you how great you are all the time.

That reasoning doesn’t really hold up. What Gallup has discovered is that people who know and leverage their strengths tend to be better performers. Recognizing the strengths of your employees leads to higher performance, lower turnover and increased profitability. In my organization we have adopted the practice of endorsing people in the moment (or shortly thereafter) and not saving it for their performance review.

You see, feedback as-you-go is a model that millennials are more comfortable with, as it echoes the way they were mentored as youth. Regular encouragement paired with an absence of hierarchy makes for an athlete/student/employee who knows where she stands. Make sure that endorsement stands alone at least half the time, and not as a way to grease the wheels of criticism. Be specific. “Great job” is OK, but if you tell a direct report, “The data you presented in that report was well-organized and shows that you are thinking about the big picture,” not only will they continue to leverage those skills, but they will be more open to critical feedback later.

MILLENNIAL: Hey! For the record, I earned every one of those trophies! But yes, the more specific you are, the more it helps me focus in on my work. And being involuntarily labeled as the ADD generation, that’s something I really appreciate — along with shiny objects!

MANAGER: And I’ll take it a step further – I’ve got a four-step model of behaviors that I follow when I’m providing feedback face-to-face or Skype-to-Skype with a member of my team:

1. Be Present. Be fully present for your employee (e.g., eye contact, put away distractions, non-verbal cues that indicate you are with them).
2. Be Caring. Endorse strengths, listening carefully and empathizing with their question or issue.
3. Be Inspiring. Tell stories of your successes and challenges, model an authentic connection to what we are trying to do as an organization.
4. Be Rigorous. Ask questions. Give specific, actionable feedback to help people get better, and keep them accountable for their work. But don’t just be rigorous, be present, caring and inspiring, too.

MILLENNIAL: And I totally agree with your approach. So much, in fact, that I’d like to take it a step further for those times when you have to provide weightier, more serious feedback, like when there’s an ongoing issue. Here’s a four-step process of how to deliver kind, yet firm feedback:

1. Enter with Generosity: When kicking off the conversation, keep an open mind and assume positive intent from the get go. Try to clear your expectations of how the feedback will land. Be curious, look them in the eye and allow your direct report to feel welcome in the space. Be aware of your posture and facial expressions, because your expression is a powerful tool for setting the tone for a meeting.
2. Expressing Truth with Empathy: While you may be the one delivering the message, start off by checking in with your direct report; ask, “How do you feel the meeting with our client went?” and allow them to share their experience. This will help you connect with where they’re coming from first, rather than ripping off the feedback band-aid. You may discover they were fully aware of the struggle as well.Use “I” language instead of “you” and check in to see if your message is understood. Make sure the impact of your communication matches your intention. Do you want your millennial to take this feedback and put it into action? Think about how you want them to feel when they leave the room and use your words, face, voice, body and tone to focus those words into action.
3. Envision a Win-Win: You both want this conversation to be a success, so how can you both exit feeling empowered? Maintain a positive attitude and be explicit about your intent. Perhaps brainstorm and collaborate on ideas to use in the future, or come up with common goals. Chart or write them down so your millennial knows that you value their action steps. 
4. Exit Aligned: Create accountability by assigning next steps, as well as owners and deadlines (yourself included). Restate what you both set to do, and make sure you’re both agreed. Debrief the conversation with them, asking how they felt it went. This provides opportunity for clarity as you exit the conversation.

MANAGER: Great thoughts. So with some empathy and understanding on both sides, and by taking a closer look at legacy policies like annual reviews, you can avoid or eliminate many of the issues between managers and millennials.

MILLENNIAL: Works for me. That was very inspiring.

MANAGER: Works for me, too. I do believe we just exited aligned.