When I take my son to camp each summer, I drive through a small town with this motto: “The home of 800 nice families and one old grouch.” 800:1 is a solid ratio. Imagine if your company had that ratio of approachable to unapproachable leaders. You’d be climbing the Best Places to Work lists instead of watching your top talent schedule “dentist appointments” for job interviews.

But that’s never quite the ratio. Sometimes senior managers and leaders are unapproachable: They don’t command the respect of their team or inspire and challenge their teams to be better. Nearly 70% of employees say they’d leave their job if they had a bad manager, with numbers between 75-77% for Gen Z and Millennials. When senior leaders are unapproachable, it undermines the team culture. It’s a problem many talent leaders see in their companies.

The solution isn’t easy — how do you get the old grouches to be more approachable? How can you drive behavior change for these less approachable, often less receptive, managers?

Nice Is Not the Point: Why Feedback Is the Difference

Nice, “care-what-you-think-about-me” managers can be disastrous for their team’s performance if they refuse to provide the challenging feedback required to hold their team to a standard of excellence.

Gruff, to-the-point managers can be excellent leaders, holding their team to a high standard. But that’s only true if they demonstrate their respect for each team member, providing candid feedback from that perspective.

The difference is feedback, not personality. Teams with managers who provide regular feedback show 18% higher productivity. In addition, employees are 3.6 times more likely to strongly agree that they are motivated to do outstanding work when their manager provides daily (vs. annual) feedback.

However, changing feedback behaviors takes time. James Clear, author of “Atomic Habits,” points to research by Philippa Lally on how habits are formed, showing that, on average, new habits take 66 days — not just 21 — to become automatic. This means it will take roughly 10 weeks of consistent practice to make new skills stick as habits.

Where Learning Happens

The 70-20-10 learning model has endured for decades not because it’s scientifically perfect, but because reflects a fundamental truth about human behavior: we learn best by doing. When it comes to changing how managers give feedback, this principle becomes even more crucial. There’s a solution that pulls together the psychology of behavior change and the reality of how people learn: on-the-job learning activities, completed over time.

Think about it: We don’t expect surgeons to learn their craft from PowerPoint presentations, or pilots from textbooks alone. Why would we expect managers to transform their feedback behaviors through one-off seminars?

We have to provide the training in the right learning context. Then encourage that practice consistently over an extended period of time. On-the-job activities, delivered in the flow of work, cover both requirements, allowing behavior change to solidify through practice.

Activities That Drive Change

The key isn’t creating the perfect set of activities – it’s delivering them at the right time, in the right context. Activities need to integrate seamlessly into a manager’s workday. Activities should be a part of their work as a manager, and aimed at opening a two-way conversation between the manager and direct reports. Things like:

• “After your next team meeting, write down three specific contributions you noticed from team members. Share this feedback within 24 hours.”
• “This week, reach out to a colleague with whom you’ve recently had a challenging interaction (major or minor). Ask them for specific feedback on how you handled the situation.”
• “This week, when a team member brings you a challenge, ask ‘What do you think we should do?’ before offering your solution.”

Talent leaders can deliver a cadence of activities like these to managers over an extended period (i.e., 10-12 weeks). Then track key metrics at multiple levels, from basic completion rates all the way to retention rates for managers who have taken the training.

It’s possible to take this a step further using artificial intelligence (AI) to personalize which activities each manager receives. At Flint Learning Solutions, we’ve seen organizations who have done this have seen training completion rates increase by as much as 76%.

No matter how sophisticated your solution, either manual or using specialized software, the foundation for behavior change remains consistent practice over time. The most sophisticated personalization won’t matter if managers aren’t regularly practicing these behaviors in their actual work environment.

Measuring Change

Organizations that focus on measuring behavior change consistently see stronger results than those tracking traditional metrics. Recent implementations show clear patterns: the majority of participants demonstrate measurable improvement in targeted behaviors, with managers witnessing specific changes in daily leadership practices.

What makes the difference isn’t the measurement tool: It’s measuring observable behaviors that directly connect to business outcomes. When organizations track whether leaders are having more career conversations, conducting thorough safety walkthroughs or addressing performance issues promptly, they can connect those behaviors to retention, safety records and team performance.

Summary

Transforming unapproachable managers is about changing behaviors through consistent practice. By delivering bite-sized feedback activities in the flow of work, measuring behavior change through observable improvements and maintaining the program for at least 10 weeks, training and development leaders can create lasting behavior change. The result? More effective managers, regardless of their natural style, who build stronger, more engaged teams through regular, meaningful feedback.

The goal isn’t to turn grouches into cheerleaders. It’s to develop managers who can provide effective feedback, hold their teams to high standards, and drive better business results. With structured practice and proper measurement, that goal becomes achievable for any organization willing to invest in behavior change over time.