{"id":132274,"date":"2025-07-08T09:00:19","date_gmt":"2025-07-08T13:00:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/trainingindustry.com\/?post_type=magazine&#038;p=132274"},"modified":"2025-07-14T15:23:12","modified_gmt":"2025-07-14T19:23:12","slug":"4-essential-steps-for-finding-truth-in-critical-feedback","status":"publish","type":"magazine","link":"https:\/\/trainingindustry.com\/magazine\/summer-2025\/4-essential-steps-for-finding-truth-in-critical-feedback\/","title":{"rendered":"4 Essential Steps for Finding Truth in Critical Feedback"},"author":52,"featured_media":107345,"template":"","tags":[35688,4954,29094],"class_list":["post-132274","magazine","type-magazine","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tag-constructive-criticism","tag-receiving-feedback","tag-workplace-communication","global_topic_tax-performance-management","magazine_issue_tax-summer-2025","magazine_article_type_tax-how-to-info-exchange","magazine_article_type_tax-info-exchange"],"acf":{"sponsored":false,"gated":false,"gated_content_type":"","file_attachment":null,"gated_content":"","form_instruction_header":"To access the full article, please fill out the form below:","pardot_html_embed":"","author_override":true,"author_name":"Joseph Grenny","author_image":"","author_bio":"Joseph Grenny is a New York Times bestselling author, world-renowned speaker, and co-founder of <a href=\"https:\/\/cruciallearning.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Crucial Learning<\/a>, a provider of corporate learning solutions.","excerpt":"Feedback can be hard to hear no matter how kindly it\u2019s given, but it remains a crucial gift for personal and professional growth.\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n","main_content":"Feedback, criticism, critique \u2014 whatever it may be called, receiving an assessment of yourself can be tough to hear. Negative feedback can feel like having a mirror held up to all your deepest insecurities.\r\n\r\nDoes feedback get any easier to hear when it\u2019s said with a smile, kind words or a gentle tone?\r\n\r\nIn a recent study, \u201cHow to Handle Tough Feedback,\u201d my colleagues and I sought to understand whether people would respond differently to feedback given harshly versus nicely. On the harsh end of the spectrum, some of the comments that respondents reported receiving included:\r\n<ul>\r\n \t<li>\u201cYou are an evil person. You are a thief. You are scum.\u201d<\/li>\r\n \t<li>\u201cThink about leaving \u2014 I need warriors not wimps.\u201d<\/li>\r\n \t<li>\u201cYou look great on a resume, but not so great on the job.\u201d<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\nShockingly, while 90% of respondents said they were surprised to receive such harsh feedback, only 15% reacted with feelings of anger or resentment. The most common response was either silence or forced politeness. Harsh feedback simply shut people down, at least for a moment.\r\n\r\nWhat if feedback is given nicely? Would people welcome feedback if it were delivered in a more compassionate way? The answer is no \u2014 our study found that no matter how well the feedback was delivered, it still left a painful and lasting impression. It was still hard to hear.\r\n\r\nNow, some of the comments above veered into bullying territory. There is no room for bullying in the workplace, or any place for that matter. But negative feedback \u2014 even when work appropriate and delivered nicely \u2014 can sting. Any time another person holds us accountable, we are likely to bristle to some degree.\r\n\r\nBut we must remember that feedback is a gift. Without the ability to share it freely and receive it openly, emotions can get buried, growth may stagnate and relationships risk becoming increasingly fragile. If you want to <a href=\"https:\/\/trainingindustry.com\/articles\/professional-development\/how-to-receive-feedback-a-5-step-checklist\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">be more receptive to truthful feedback<\/a> at work, regardless of how it\u2019s delivered, consider these tips:\r\n<h2>Own Your Safety<\/h2>\r\nSafety is an essential psychological need. Whenever we believe our safety is threatened, we respond with fight, flight or freeze. Of course, if you find yourself in physical danger, get out of the situation. But when someone is giving us work-appropriate feedback and holding us accountable, we are completely safe. It is our pride that\u2019s at risk, not our safety.\r\n\r\nWhen it comes to <a href=\"https:\/\/trainingindustry.com\/glossary\/psychological-safety\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">psychological safety<\/a>, we often assume others are responsible for it, and the default reaction is to take offense. But remember \u2014 you\u2019re in charge of your own feelings. You\u2019re responsible for your own psychological safety.\r\n\r\nAs our research highlighted, it doesn\u2019t really matter if the person giving you feedback is doing so nicely or harshly. It\u2019s your reaction to it that matters. Rather than shutting down or taking offense, look for the truth in the feedback. The motive of others holding you accountable is irrelevant. How you learn and grow from it is what matters.\r\n\r\n<img class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-132283\" src=\"https:\/\/trainingindustry.com\/content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/Summer2025_HowTo_sidebar.jpg\" alt=\"Description of addressing workplace bullying in a bullet point format. \" width=\"1920\" height=\"1855\" \/>\r\n<h2>Own Your Worth<\/h2>\r\nAnother essential psychological need is a sense of self-worth. Too often we derive a sense of self-worth from external sources \u2014 jobs, salary, social standing, material possessions and so on. Then, when someone reveals our shortcomings, the house of cards known as our self-worth crumbles.\r\n\r\nInstead, develop a sense of self-worth built on self-respect. One way to improve self-respect is to develop good values and live them. You can detach the words, however they were delivered, from the truth you need to become better. It\u2019s not easy, but it\u2019s vitally important.\r\n\r\nIn addition to taking responsibility for your safety and sense of self-worth, consider going through the following steps to help better respond to feedback: think CURE.\r\n<ol>\r\n \t<li>\r\n<h3><strong>Collect<\/strong><\/h3>\r\n<\/li>\r\n<\/ol>\r\nIf harsh feedback catches you off guard, have a way to collect yourself. One good way is to breathe deeply and slowly. Pause to pay attention to how you are feeling \u2014 you may be hurt, scared, embarrassed or ashamed. Use this moment to remind yourself that you are safer than you think. Avoid rushing to judgment or action. Simply collect yourself and the feedback.\r\n<ol start=\"2\">\r\n \t<li>\r\n<h3><strong>Understand<\/strong><\/h3>\r\n<\/li>\r\n<\/ol>\r\nNext, listen. Ask questions. Ask for examples. Get curious. Detach yourself from what is being said as though it is being said about a third person. That will help you bypass the urge to evaluate what you\u2019re hearing. You\u2019ll stop worrying about whether it\u2019s true or false. Instead, you\u2019ll gain more information with which to understand where the person giving the feedback is coming from. Perhaps there are factors or points of view you haven\u2019t considered before. Simply act like a good reporter trying to understand the story of an informant.\r\n<ol start=\"3\">\r\n \t<li>\r\n<h3><strong>Recover<\/strong><\/h3>\r\n<\/li>\r\n<\/ol>\r\nIn some situations, it\u2019s often best to simply exit the conversation. Explain that you want time to reflect and that you will respond later. Say something like, \u201cIt\u2019s important to me that I get this right. I need some time. I\u2019ll get back to you when I\u2019m ready to respond.\u201d Give yourself permission to feel and recover from the experience before evaluating what you heard. You don\u2019t have to agree or disagree with the feedback in the moment. Take time to sincerely reflect and decide on your next actions.\r\n<ol start=\"4\">\r\n \t<li>\r\n<h3><strong>Engage<\/strong><\/h3>\r\n<\/li>\r\n<\/ol>\r\nExamine what you were told. If you\u2019ve done a good job taking responsibility for your safety and worth, you\u2019ll improve your natural reaction to feedback. Rather than poking holes in it, you\u2019ll look for truth. Even if the feedback is 90% fluff and 10% substance, look for the substance. There is almost always at least a kernel of truth in what people are telling you. When you\u2019re ready, engage with the person who shared the feedback and acknowledge what you heard, what you accept and what you\u2019ll commit to do.\r\n\r\nStrong relationships both inside and outside of work are often based on three things:\u00a0truth,\u00a0respect\u00a0and\u00a0connection. Ask yourself, are my work relationships lacking in truth? Are my colleagues and I unwilling and unable to share with each other how we honestly feel and what our real needs are? Use the advice above to foster more truth in your work relationships \u2014 truth you can use to reshape yourself for the better.","full_width":false,"content_band":[{"acf_fc_layout":"social_callout","blockquote":"Rather than shutting down or taking offense, look for the truth in the feedback."},{"acf_fc_layout":"content_area","wysiwyg":"<script src=https:\/\/js.hsforms.net\/forms\/embed\/47185625.js defer><\/script>\r\n<div class=\"hs-form-frame\" data-region=\"na1\" data-form-id=\"f92ef383-8de5-4607-b6d8-bfc07645c095\" data-portal-id=\"47185625\"><\/div>"}],"tice_sponsors":"","custom_dfp_keywords":"","featured_article":false,"feature_type":"","theme":"","remove_gradient":false,"title_in_image":false,"featured_text_image":null,"magazine_link":"https:\/\/www.nxtbook.com\/nxtbooks\/trainingindustry\/tiq_summer2025\/index.php#\/p\/20"},"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v25.8 (Yoast SEO v27.5) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>4 Essential Steps for Finding Truth in Critical Feedback - 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